“The trick is to metabolize pain as energy. Learn, when hit by loss, to ask the right question: “What next?” instead of “Why me?”
​― Julia Cameron, “The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity

Have you heard the phrase “toxic positivity”? It’s a bit of a buzzword these days.

In my understanding, it refers to taking a moment that is hard or painful and forcing something good out of it.

It’s taking the old “everything happens for a reason” adage and wrapping it, like a big Christmas bow, around all of the devastating, debilitating tragedies and tricks of life, rather than sitting in the feelings and acknowledging them honestly.

But I’m a big fan of the both/and. I’m a fan of the messy middle.

So I wonder: can we have it both ways?

Can we sit in the reality of the loss, disappointment and pain & then move into spaces where we can metabolize that pain as energy?

But not just any energy. Not useless productivity or “back-to-the-grind” workaholism to numb the pain.

For me, the goal of metabolizing pain into energy is about a bigger picture altogether.

It’s about empathy!

When we learn to move through loss with honesty, looking at it deeply, we can ask the question “what next?” instead of “why me?” We can see the invitation to metabolize that pain as a chance to help other people through theirs.

This is so much the purpose of art and creativity, isn’t it?

Art connects us!

It’s what gives people second sight and a lens to look deeper without feeling threatened.

You see a beautifully haunting painting.

You watch a lone dancer interpret a piece of music.

You read a story that brings you to tears.

And in that moment, you are connected to something bigger than yourself!

You’re given strength to keep moving forward.

I am beginning a 2-year Spiritual Direction program this Winter and the first book we have been asked to read is Richard Rohr’s “Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life.”

In this poignant book, Father Rohr notes that pain is unavoidable in this life.

We will suffer loss and disappointment. We will be brought to our knees.

And this, he argues, is a necessary part of the journey in moving from the first to the second half of our spiritual life. It’s the catalyst to leave the safety of all we’ve known and surrender to the great unknown.

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This month in my Artist’s Way Alumni Group, we did some writing to look at specific seasons of grief and how they have moved us into new spaces, mindsets, and beliefs about ourselves, others and the world.

We looked at grief and gratitude as two sides of the same coin.

If you would like to enter into this exercise too, here is how to begin.

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1) Think of a season of life or an event that brought you to a space of grief. Get quiet for a few minutes and notice how it feels in your body as you reflect on it.

Now spend a few minutes writing about it. What does it feel like to be back in that space? Write the physical sensations. Write the emotions. Let it come as it will.

2) Spend a few minutes writing about what this season or experience connected you to or disconnected you from. A person? Yourself? God?

3) Spend a few minutes writing about what this experience led you to believe about yourself, someone else or the world. What meaning was made from this experience?

After you’ve written, fill in this sentence: Before this experience I believed __________________. After this experience, I believe _____________.

4) How did this experience or season move you along in your life either chronologically, emotionally, spiritually or even physically? Write about it for a bit.

5) Was any empathy garnered from this experience? What truths or nuances are you now equipped to help people see?

After finishing that last section, take a look at all that you’ve written. You may want to make a piece of art out of this, write a poem or essay, or choreograph a dance.

And I also encourage you to actually move your body after a writing session like this one. Put on some music and dance through the emotions.

I hope this small exercise helps you find some gratitude, even in the grief of a hard season. I hope it shows you one small way to take the grief in your life and metabolize it to show others a path forward and live with a deep sense of empathy.

​If you enjoyed this exercise, you can find a more in-depth version with pre-writing prep work questions and more detailed writing prompts in my “Memoir-In-Progress” Mindset video course. (You can find the link at the top of my homepage.)

Be Blessed!

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